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Buffy - Willow and Tara

24 - The Cube Tribute

Posted on 2005.02.06 at 18:25
Tags: ,
In this very special tribute to 24 Cube will take 24 minutes out of his life, and you will experience them in this very special sort of typed thing that he’ll be typing. It will be done in real time as well… so you’ll experience every minute of the madness as Cube tries to write a short story which actually makes some kind of sense within 24 minutes.
This story is about a scientist. The following takes place between 18:00 and 18:24. Events occur in real time.

There was a scientist who lived in the city of New York, however he lived in a slightly rubbish area of New York and was as such infected with a plague of white mice the like of which has never been seen before. The mice would appear everywhere, in his clothes, pockets, computer, out of his ears and millions would be found nesting in his favourite hat. He decided that something would have to be done in order to deal with the millions of white mice that had infested his house and came up with a simple solution. He would build a machine to evolve them all into dust, because dust can be swept up relatively easily.
I know that this isn’t exactly a simple solution but hey, this guy is a scientist and so his mind runs on a whole separate level than ours. He worked and worked for minutes and minutes trying to discover the secret of evolution before giving up and going outside of his office (for he was at work now, by the way he works as an insurance salesman,) and he got a cup of coffee. Invigorated by the drink he returned to his desk, his head full of ideas, unfortunately most of them were the same ideas he’d had just minutes before going to get his coffee. However when realising that when he got home he would not be able to enjoy coffee as white mice would be in his coffee cup he really put his mind to it and he had a major breakthrough. With natural mutagens which he found in the cupboard, he discovered he could very subtly manipulate the genetic structure of any given animal. Especially white mice, and because they were natural mutagens they would remain that way. And so he rewarded himself by going outside for a cigarette break. While outside he explained his plan to turn the white mice into dust to a colleague who was not impressed and merely shrugged his shoulders as if he had heard it all before. The scientist did not care, well he did slightly and found himself lingering outside slightly longer than he would have done otherwise. However he went back inside and found himself as excited as ever. He decided to quit his job now that it had fulfilled it’s purpose and went home. He went and stood at the bus stop and waited for the nineteen to arrive. This bus would take him almost exactly to his home, although it wasn’t due for another couple of minutes. It was here that he was joined by an old woman with some shopping. He proceeded to tell her all about the natural mutagens and the white mice and everything, however she wasn’t inclined to listen and so walked away from him while he was still spouting his utter nonsense. It was at this point, as the busstop was opposite the bank, that the scientist witnessed some thieves on their way home from robbing a bank. They were skipping home, holding the bags of loot and the head of the gang was handing out sherbert lemons between the three of them. Suddenly forgetting about all of the mutagens and ridiculous garbage that had been going on for the last 11 minutes the scientist followed them home, leaving the mutagens and stuff there.
However the next person to get there was a man who worked as a cracker eater, that is a man who eats crackers. He’d had a hard day at work and was feeling really thirsty. Because the scientist hadn’t seen a beaker or anything anywhere he’d been forced to put the mutagens into a half drunk bottle of pepsi. The cracker-eater espied the abandoned mutagens and feeling his enormous thirst, picked it up and took a big swig. It wasn’t until two minutes later when he noticed that he’d grown another pair of arms and was as big as a skyscraper that he realised that there must have been something a bit funny about that pepsi. Meanwhile the scientist had followed the thieves back home and was sat on a bench at the park opposite the thieves house thinking about how to best punish them for their crimes. Then he had the perfect idea, he would build a tank and would bombard their house with shrapnel and things. The idea put an instant grin on his face and with his toolbox that he always carried with him he began to disassemble the bench on which he had recently sat knowing that it could easily be converted into a tank.
Meanwhile the police force was sitting sort of confused around the giant cracker-eater. Most people when turned into purple giants with too many arms tend to smash cities quite a bit, but all the cracker eater had demanded was a drink of water, and he hadn’t so much demanded it as asked politely. So they were quite unsure how to proceed, whether to kill the giant cracker eater out of custom or whether to welcome him into the community as would be very popular with many people, especially the president. It was around about then that the chief of police, a Sir Michael Hunt rolled up in his Rolls Royce and gave lieutenant smith his orders to send over a nice drink for the giant. He of course had his mind on meeting the president before any lowly lieutenant. At that point of course the scientist had constructed his tank and was looking around for a loudhailer that he had built out of a pigeon’s carcass. He eventually found it next to his packed lunch and told the theives to prepare to die, which they did as their house was reduced to rubble. The scientist was now pretty pleased with himself and decided that he was going to go on a celebratory lap of the city, whereupon many people would present him with awards and he was sure that women would prostrate themselves in front of him. However he then saw a lot of terrified police chiefs giving water to a big purple giant and he knew what he had to do. He fired up the tank and charged, or rolled, whichever is applicable exoronably towards the beast, which was felled by a lethal barrage of bullets.
Mike the police chief almost killed a woman that he had found on the side of the road in anger as he saw his chance to meet the president go down the drain and he immediately leapt into the rolls royce and arrested the scientist. At the trial just a couple of minutes later the scientist was sentenced to life imprisonment for discriminating against giant purple mutants with too many arms. He was less concerned about the mice now.


catindisguise at 2005-02-06 18:32 (UTC) (Link)
I liked the bit about the scientist.
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