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Buffy - Willow and Tara


Posted on 2010.08.22 at 05:10
Tags: ,
Can you believe this? I expressed a sentiment that perhaps I should update my journals (being a superteam of Livejournal and Dreamwidth) more oftener and here I am actually following through with the intentions that I felt at the time. This almost never happens, in the same way that hell almost never freezes over. I think this is something of a tired overused cliche nowadays and we really need a new one. How much do we really know about Hell anyway. I mean there's apparently loads of different levels to it and everything, is it massively inconceivable that they have like an ice level, after all there is always an ice level. If cartoons have taught me anything it's that Hell loves ironic punishments and so I'd be very disappointed if there wasn't an appropriately frozen segment for punishing people who... erm... I don't know... always had the radiators on too hot? Ironic punishments are difficult, especially if you are working backwards from the punishment and trying to find some kind of ironic crime to fit. Speaking of which ironic criminals are the worst criminals. I would make some remark about some kind of ironic crime but I have the same problem as Alanis Morrisette, in that I get kind of confused about what ironic actually means sometimes, and so I like to stay away from the entire subject...

Anyway what was I talking about? Oh yeah movies! (I know I wasn't talking about movies, I was just headed down a somewhat convoluted cul-de-sac there and couldn't think of a better way to transition the conversation back to something even resembling sensible.) In terms of movies sometimes I go to a building called a movie cinema to watch movies and eat popcorns. I am seriously down with the kids, let me tell you. Anyway the movie that I am currently in contemplation with regard to is Scott Pilgrim Versus The World. I know nothing of the Scott Pilgrim mythology, and there isn't a favoured actor luring me in to watch the film (like Simon Pegg in Mission Impossible 3), it just seems like the kind of film I would enjoy. Plus I suppose it does have favoured director Edgar Wright luring me in. Anyway I already made this decision I don't know why I am blathering on as though I am currently in the throes of indecision. That is a ridiculous way to live your life. No currently the decision I am forced to make is whether to make it a double feature and see this Inception film which everyone and their mother is saying is the best thing since sliced bread, and to which I reply 'yeah well I don't really get what the whole deal with sliced bread is anyway, there's a whole bunch of things I would rate more highly than sliced bread', and then they go 'see Inception you fuckwit' and then I do. Or more accurately I come here and go 'durr maybe I should see Inception' because I am so proactive. Anyway I was really enthusiastic about going and seeing it at one point but then I discovered false advertising. They were showing a picture of Leonardo DiCaprisun and pretending it was a picture of Mischa Collins (Castiel from Supernatural) and I was all like, 'yeah I am totally going to see a film starring Castiel because that is clearly the best film ever' and then everyone is like 'he isn't in it' and then I don't want to see it any more. This is like a totally true story. But then again I am doing the same as I was doing before, pretending that my indecision to see a certain film is at the heart of the problem when the indecision to see another unrelated film is at the forefront of my problem anthology. As much as I like a double feature, I am wondering whether it would be possible to turn fantasy into reality and make it a triple feature, and see Toy Story 3. I wouldn't normally be interested but this same everybody who was hassling me over Inception is also of the opinion that this is a film I should be watching, and so maybe I will. Then again general consensus (which is actually what I am basing my opinions on and not an ethereal presence who curtly responds to my eloquent ramblings) held that There Will Be Blood was a good film and I'm sorry to break it to you all, but it was not. Sure there was that line about milkshake that was mildly amusing, but in whole the film was long, tedious and ultimately inconsequential. All the events in that film could be summed up thusly: Man likes oil, builds oil wells, wants to build more oil wells, priest sells land, man's brother turns up but isn't his brother then dies, child goes deaf and goes away and comes back, man kills priest with bowling ball or something. Bluh. A series of uninteresting storylines which go nowhere. Seriously what should have given away how monumentally dull this film would be is that for the first ten minutes of the film nobody said anything. It's like the writers couldn't even be bothered to come up with dialogue, then probably ten minutes in the producers wandered into the writers room and gave them something of a kick in the pants incentive to try and get this film moving. For me the highlight of the film was when Daniel Farraday or whatever his name was put the towel over his head and then started chatting merrily with his deaf son. Clearly Daniel Day Lewis was just getting fed up and desperately trying to get some sleep. They probably dubbed the lines on afterwards or something I don't know. I wasn't there, and personally I am glad that I would not (for my own sanity that is, I am kind of sad that I had not been there for the collective experience of humankind as a whole as I feel I really could have enhanced that film (though this is probably because I feel there is very little I could have done to make it worse) and people around the world would have rejoiced). I know everyone has latched onto this I Drink Your Milkshake thing to be like a funny thing that he said and it's all quoteable and blah blah whatever, but really when you take a step back and look at the monstrosity of a film you have just watched you realise that the reason people latched onto this line is because it's the one line that is even remotely approaching entertaining, and potentially the one line that recoups your will to live and helps you through the inevitable PTSD afterwards.

I mean take for example Red Dead Redemption, a cool new western game by Rockstar Games, the Grand Theft Auto people, who when not out jacking cars and running over pedestrians sit down and work hard making cool games like the aforementioned Red Dead Redemption. It's set in the western times and there's oil in one part of it and everything. For this reason it is very clearly comparable to There Will Be Blood. Well actually no, they're obviously like apples and oranges, or chalk and cheese. Actually I wasn't trying to make a comparison between the two, what I was going to say is that at the end of Red Dead the big villain dies (oh my god who would have seen that coming, I am sorry for spoiling it for you all :y) and the game just keeps on going. I'm not going to go into the stuff that occcurs after it because that would be kind of spoilers and I have an unofficial policy against spoiling anything ever (Soylent Green is a ghost?!), but the point is that after this all the conflict just kind of vanishes and for a while you are stuck playing a game which has completely no conflict and it kind of drains your will to continue forwards, not having any goal to strive for. This to me is what There Will Be Blood felt like to watch. It was just conflict less. Or what little conflict did exist sparked and died so quickly that if you happened have blinked you might have missed it. Plotlines were brought up then resolved effortlessly with no consequence whatsoever. Oh and hey guess what? I didn't like the film. Bluh.

Anyway I supppose that is enough ranting about There Will Be Blood for one entry and enough ps in the word suppose, so I guess I will head off and go to sleep or something. I mean look at the time it's like five in the morning or something. This is not a time at which people should be up, sat at their computer, ranting furiously about how much one of the best rated films of the last decade sucks. Incidentally Momento was apparently the best of the best films of the last decade which is pretty cool, but I didn't even realise that Memento was a film. I clearly thought it was a pony with words tattooed across it's mangy flange. Bluh. Obviously I mean that I thought it wasn't made in this decade. Decades are tricky things, and this is a thing you'll know when you've seen as many of them as I have. As varied and crazy and full of tattooed ponys as they can be for the rest of time they will be remembered, characterised by only one word. Take the swinging sixties, the roaring twenties, or erm the swinging seventies for examples. In the annals of history this decade that has just passed will be forever labelled the 'noughties'... *shudder*. Anyway make of that what you will, for this next decade already has the dubious honor of being referred to (by certain people) as the teenties... *more shudder*

Anyway whatever. That is enough of this for now. I really shouldn't write so much on here.

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