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Buffy - Willow and Tara

The Failure of Time

Posted on 2010.01.01 at 20:31
Current Mood:: annoyedannoyed
Tags: , ,
I've heard that when they were naming the latest Doctor Who special they were torn between The End of Time Part Two and Self Congratulatory Author Wank. I found the main story to be tolerable (with some very major flaws, but more on them later), unfortunately it was dragged down by the half an hour after the villain had been defeated. That's right, an entire half an hour. What happened during that half an hour you might ask? Well for one thing Russell T Davies had multiple orgasms while thinking about how much of a good writer he is. Seriously, was it really necessary to revisit every single fucking character you've ever wrote RTD? You are not the be all and end all when it comes to Doctor Who. You are just one in a long string of writers. I would have fucking hoped that your common sense would have prevented you from wanking yourself off via the medium of a TV program, but apparently not. We all know that Doctor Who was one of your favourite programs when you were young, but would you really have enjoyed it as much if it had been like this. I really fucking doubt it. I'm afraid it's simply beyond the pale to hijack a prime time TV program just to wax lyrical about how fucking great your characters are. For one thing they aren't that fucking great. Okay I like Captain Jack (introduced during a Stephen Moffat episode may I remind you) and Donna. Hell I even used to like Rose before you developed a fetish for bringing her back constantly. It's just like how many goodbyes with Rose will be enough goodbyes. Just leave it alone for godsakes. Martha was boring, as was her new husband. That woman from the Family of Blood? What the fuck RTD? Why not go and say goodbye to bloody Agatha Christie or Sally Sparrow or Alonso from that Titanic episode... You know what I'm not even going to argue that side of it because if you want to go and fucking be in love with your own ego you can, just don't fucking hijack a fucking prime time TV program to send yourself a love letter, you fucking dick.

Erm, so anyway. The two fundamental issues I have with this episode. One: a noise is a signal from across space and time, what? Two: You can't throw a diamond at a hologram of the earth and then there it is. That's stupid. Holograms aren't teleporters. Three, because I have so much righteous indignation now that I cannot count, If you can't get anything out of somewhere that has been time-locked then how the hell does that work. Is a diamond not anything? Four, and most importantly, in a world where every single person is The Master (who may I remind you is a crazed psychopath, who when he isn't the hungriest man on the planet Earth, dances around to the Scissor Sisters and generally does what the fuck he likes when the fuck he likes) nothing would get done. The Master does not answer to anyone. Even if that person is himself. I refuse to believe any version of The Master would allow himself to get bossed around, even if it is by himself. Oh and Wilf is stupid for getting into the damn locked booth and deserved to die. And the Doctor throwing a temper tantrum was ridiculous. Life is not fair Doctor, you should know this better than anyone. Stop throwing your toys out of your pram and either let Wilf die for being a stupid old fool or get in there and regenerate already. Oh and while we're on the topic since when does a regeneration break the TARDIS? He must have really been regenerating hard there eh RTD? Because your Doctor is so awesome isn't that right? Fuck off RTD. Fuck off back to wherever it was they found you in the first place. Sure you brought Doctor Who back to where it deserves to be but you also managed to consistently drag it down with awful plotlines and unrealistic hokum every time you wrote an episode. For the first I thank you, for the second I hope you are never in charge of an episode of anything I love ever again. Goodbye. Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out.

Roll on Stephen Moffat I say.

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