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House - Thirteen

Songs That Have The Same Name Birthday Special

Posted on 2008.07.23 at 17:06
Current Mood:: tiredtired
Current Music:: Happy Birthday by lots of people
Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,
Yes more or less every feature that I do will now have a birthday special. So what? You want to fight about it do you? Well tough. I'm busy concocting birthday features. I don't have time for a grudge match with every poser in a parka. Anyway here's how this will work. There's been a fair few songs called Happy Birthday. Apparently the most well known of these songs isn't actually called Happy Birthday so it doesn't count. I'll listen to them all and then say which is the best. Here's the lineup. Happy Birthday by DJ Bobo, The Click Five, Flipsyde, Stevie Wonder, Altered Images, The Birthday Massacre, Carly Simon, Sufjan Stevens and Weird Al Yankovic.


So first up is someone I've never heard of before. He's called DJ Bobo and although he sounds like some kind of stuffed toy that's taken up DJing I suggest we give him the benefit of the doubt. It's not his fault he has such a rubbish name, probably. Okay so here we go. It's like some kind of gospel choir or something. It's definately got some singing on it. Then again most songs do have singing. This one appears to have reggae style drums as well. I think I preferred it before the reggae drums made an appearance. Reggae drums don't belong in a song about birthdays. You might as well put a heavy metal rock guitars in a song about having an abortion or something. Anyway it's not horrible. There's a whole heap of songs that are worse than this. The general message of the song is that the subject of the song should have a happy birthday and have all of their dreams come true. Well one of my dreams is that the reggae drums be removed from this song as soon as possible. I don't think it's particuarly likely though. I think this song loses points for not actually making all my dreams come true. I didn't particuarly expect them to but the song promised it to such an extent I now feel a little disappointed. Onto the next song.

Okay it's Happy Birthday by The Click Five. So this song has a bit of a rock feel. Kind of a grungey feel actually. I actually really like this song already and it's only just started. I would love it more if I'd listened to it last year because then they would even have got my age right. Wow I like this song. This song is going to win. It's a competition for second place now. Oh actually Weird Al is still to come. It's essentially a grudge match between The Click Five and Weird Al now in a musical battle to the death atop a skyscraper against the background of a post-apocalyptic sunset. Seriously. I'm just going to listen to this song now. It's that good I don't want to commentate on it any more. I'll be back when it's over. Okay I'm back. Five thumbs up on that song definately. Moving onto Flipsyde now although I'm not sure why I'm bothering. It's this or Weird Al. I guarantee it.

Oh my god. This is Flipsyde? I know this tune from somewhere. Where the hell do I know this tune from. This bloke is annoying though talking all over this song. This tune is familiar but this idiot talking all over it. Oh my god it's Tatu. Brilliant. Well Tatu is brilliant. This idiot is just an idiot. He's absolutely ruining this song. He's ranting on and on about an abortion which is kind of against the spirit of the song, although bizarrely I have talked about abortions in the context of songs this morning. I think I must be getting some kind of bizarre psychic vibe. I should use it to predict the content of other songs in the feature. I think that one of the songs will be about a can of paint that is adopted by dolphins and it will heavily feature a violin in the song. So yeah I've just lost my psychic powers. Anyway it's finished now but this guy gets no points. a) for ruining a tatu song and b) for equating abortion with murder. I have no respect for anyone that does either of these things. Anyway onto the next song the one by Altered Images.

It's got plinky bells. Oh I think I've heard this one before as well. I like the plinky bells. This is pretty good as well but I doubt it's going to edge out the Click Five unless they suddenly start singing about lesbians or something. Unfortunately the lyrics appear to be a bit repetitive and are just about what would happen if 'they' were me and if I was you. The main problem with this is that this isn't normally a type of thing that someone would encounter on their birthday. It's not the type of problem that people encounter at any time in their life normally. Not unless they're a mad scientist with some kind of brain transplanting machine that they're trying out on members of the band Altered Images, which not many people are. Next up Carly Simon.

This song isn't quite so familiar as the last. It's too slow and depressing. The copy I have isn't great either which is a bit of a problem. It stops after the first verse and involves a man with a fishhead having a birthday or something. Bunch of americans I reckon. I'm giving up on this one now. All in all it seems like a bit of a waste of my time. I don't think I can give a real opinion on a song when it's bisected by people in fishheads singing birthday songs. Also I appear to have missed Stevie Wonder. I always have a bit of a blind spot when it comes to Stevie Wonder. Offended by this joke? Why not write to your local MP and have them send you a brain?

Anyway this one is a bit familiar as well. I imagine it's probably the one that Tim sings to Daisy in that episode of Spaced where it's Daisy's birthday. Although I don't recognise it so far I'm sure that if I persevere with it just a bit longer it will magically transform into a song that I recognise. And there we go it just has. I imagine that this song is more well known than for just being in an episode of Spaced but my personal experience is a bit limited. I'm a bit bored of this song now. However there's no fishheaded men interrupting it so I can't exactly skip it. It would be unfair to my audience if I was to just give up on a song because it's rubbish. I listen to songs so you don't have to. Oh god this song is six minutes long. How can it be so long. It's a song about a birthday with only one good line in the entirity of it. Even I couldn't make it stretch out that long and as we all know I'm a master of stretching things out to get the most of them. This video I'm watching it on isn't helping much. It's just some plants. They aren't even birthday plants. I'd prefer a fishheaded man at this point. If it wasn't almost over I might go back and rewatch that one of Carly Simon's. Anyway it's finished now. Anyway I thought it was good, because you can't be nasty about blind people. It's practically against the law.

Now it's time for the Birthday Massacre. There's a nice cheerful name for a nice cheerful birthday. But is the cheerful name accompanied by a cheerful song. Well there's only one way to find out. It starts off very quiet and inconspicious however I think it's kicked in now. There's a whispery woman singing now. I can hear the word birthday. That's about all that I can make out though. She could be singing about anything. Honestly I'm not a fan so far. Unless they completely revamp the entire song for the second half then I don't think I will be. This isn't the kind of thing that people want to be exposed to on their birthday. Can you imagine blowing out the candles on a cake to this whispery and indecipherable chorus? I imagine you probably can and knowing my luck you all probably would love to blow out the candles to this creepyness. Whatever. You're all welcome to it. Next up Sufjan Stevens.

Okay so it's already better than the last two contenders. Although it's just as incomprehensible. Sorry about this I'd be saying more except the only video I could find of this song is somewhat distracting. It involves flying dinosaurs. Anyway this song is a moderate song. Not bad but not good either. It's like some kind of Birthday Purgatory. Which I'm not sure what it is but by this time next year I'll have that name trademarked and be selling flights there. Possibly dinosaur flights but that would require someone else to clone the dinosaurs and give them the ability to fly. I can't exactly be expected to do everything for this project can I? Anyway up next is the last one. Weird Al.

I have no idea whether all this communist gibberish I'm hearing now is part of the song or not. I'm guessing not now that the songs actually started. Yay! This song has made up for some of the other rubbishy songs I've had to sit through during this feature. It's made up for Reggae Happy Birthday, Tatu-Ruining Abortion-Themed Happy Birthday, Brainswapping Plinkly Birthday, Depressing Fishhead Birthday, Repetitive Stevie Wonder Happy Birthday and Flying Dinosaur Purgatory Happy Birthday. Anyway after that brief recap on the faults of the songs all that remains is for me to pick the ultimate birthday song.

This was an easy one. It's the Switch Click Five, or whatever they're called, with their Grunge version of Happy Birthday that has apparently only been released in the Phillipines or something like that. To all you Phillipine based Birthdays enjoy yourselves. And tune in the same time next year for another Birthday based spectacular.

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