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Tatu - Lena 2

Post 1000 Part 1!

Posted on 2008.10.03 at 04:30
Current Mood:: accomplishedaccomplished
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Hello and welcome to my 1000th post in Livejournal. I've decided to really do something special for this occasion and the first thing that came to mind (that didn’t require too much hard work) was to finally do something I promised a long time ago. When I stumbled across the Writer’s Block I promised that one day I would go through their backcatalogue and answer all of the questions. Well here I am almost a year later and I’ve finally done it.

I’m really pleased to still be going with Livejournal after such a long time and hope to keep going for a 1000 more entries. Although don’t expect me to do anything near this lengthy next time. I drove myself to the brink of insomnia writing this.

TEMPORAL INFORMATION: This entry was written in the past so don’t be confused if there are some references to things which have already happened or haven’t happened or whatever.

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION: Oh and by the way this post is so big that it has to be split into two posts. So you know. Good luck with reading it and all that.


Why do you volunteer for LiveJournal?

I didn't volunteer. Next question.

What's the best birthday present you ever received?

I rather like my Playstation 3 I got last year but then again I can't remember every birthday I have ever had. Perhaps I got something I liked even better when I was five? Who knows? Who cares? Dan Brown for one. He cares but only if he can stick an assassin or two into the storyline and pass it off as his latest bestseller.

How would you describe the face is making in his userpic?

Like he's just hired a prostitute but he didn't know the prostitute wasn't a human but in fact an being made from pure electricity. Without being too graphic I think if he hadn't any children before that photograph was taken then he'll never have any.

What is the first movie you remember seeing in a movie theater?

I don't remember. I definately saw Shaun of the Dead in the cinema and that was a while ago but it's probably not the first film I ever saw at the cinema. Unless I lead an incredibly sheltered life and I've managed to completely block it out. Which, you know, I might have done. Stranger things have happened.

What are your favorite and least favorite words? Any reasons why?

I like the word lesbian. Because it reminds me of lesbians. I know that I do have words that I like to say but I can't seem to remember any of them at the moment. Although I do remember that I don't like the word 'twelve' because it doesn't look right. I mean what kind of a word starts with a tw? Apart from twit and twine and twin and twenty and two and twitch and tweed and tweet and twist and twig and twilight and twinge and twinkle and okay there are lots of words that start tw. So I give up. It must be a perfectly normal word then. Anyway plinth is a good word. Get a woman to say it to you and watch her lips. Try it, seriously, it's Robert Rankin recommended. There's worse things you could be doing with your time.

What are your favorite and least favorite words? Any reasons why?

This question seems eerily familiar. And on that note there's a word I like. Eerie. I used to watch a program called Eerie Indiana or something like that. Anyway I don't watch that now and I refuse to participate in this question any longer.

How well do you know your next-door neighbors?

Reasonably well. One of them is an alcoholic and the other wanders around without any pants on. Sadly these are men and not sexy women which makes them significantly less appealing.

What was the last wedding you went to? Were you in the wedding?

I don't go to weddings. I've never been to one ever. In fact one of my friends had a dream about a wedding and I was the best man at the wedding and I didn't even go to the wedding in the dream which shows the amount of commitment I have when it comes to not going to weddings. On the other hand I did get myself a dolphin to cheer myself up for not going to the wedding so that's a plus. That happened in the dream by the way. I didn't really get a dolphin. Though I would like one. I'd call it Deifer.

How did you spend summers when you were a kid?

In my room playing computer games. Surprisingly reminiscent of how I live my life now.

What is one of the nicest things you've ever done for another person?

I don't know. You'd have to ask them.

If you could rename yourself in real life, what would you choose, and why?

I'd rename myself Sebastian-Raziel Payge (which the possibility of the middle name Pandemona). I'd name myself this because it's an awesome name and it fits me better than my real real name. I've explained why I picked this name before but here's a quick rundown, because if I was you I couldn't be bothered looking for wherever it is I wrote that answer (see how thoughtful and nice I am? This could be the answer to the previous question, possibly), anyway quick rundown here we go: Sebastian - from a character in Arcanum who for one reason and another I never actually met, Raziel - from one of the protagonists of the Legacy of Kain series, Pandemona - from the "GF" in Final Fantasy VIII and Payge - because it's apparently lucky to have a name which has a g if your surname refers to money (it apparently stands for pay as you go... e).

What are you afraid of?

Injections, blood and spiders. A spider trying to inject me with a needle to take a blood sample would be the worst.

If you won $100 this afternoon, what would you do with it?

I'd go down to the bureau de change and have it turned into proper english money and then I'd bitch and moan about how the dollar is practically worthless nowadays and that I've probably just got like £12 for the $100 that I've just traded in. Then I'd sulk.
If it was in proper money. I'd probably buy Spore, Viva Pinata: Trouble In Paradise, Mercenaries 2 and Soul Calibur 4 then get stuck in for some serious gaming.

What was your most memorable vacation, and why?

When we went to Tunisia. It's the most memorable one because it happened the most recently, plus there was lots of moments that are forever engraved into my memory. Isn't it funny how people tend to remember the really bad or the really awkward or horrible stuff and forget all the good times? No. I think it's funny how people do that and if you don't then screw you. I'll smack you with a glove made of staples!

What is one food that you refuse to try? Why?

Most things actually fall into this category. If I tried to write it down it could be a very long list so lets just say that I tend to only like sweet things and even in the realm of sweet things I know what I like and refuse to try anything new. In fact if there was a choice between eating carrotcake and no cake at all I'd go for the no cake at all. Just on principle. Carrotcake is cake but it's cake with carrots. Cheesecake I can understand but carrotcake is a bridge too far.

If you could be another person for a day, who would it be and why?

These type of questions are tricky. What if I was someone like Lena Katinka or Yulia Volkova for a day? How then could I return back to my normal non-rich non-lesbian life? These type of questions require you to think really cleverly. I would have said Britney Spears because once you'd got back you'd think your life was brilliant plus also while you were her you'd be able to send a whole bunch of money to yourself so everyone's a winner. Plus while you were Britney you could do anything you wanted, strip down in public or whatever and while there wouldn't be any consequences for you (as is to be expected from the swap bodies for a day thing) nobody would think anything was slightly out of the ordinary for her either. It's such a win win. However I think her father is in control of her money now so I guess I'd have to pick Amy Winehouse or something.

If you could travel back in time to spend a day with someone, who would it be and why?

Douglas Adams. Firstly I'd ask him about the Salmon of Doubt, what was to happen at the end, then I'd ask if he minds this Eoin Coifer bloke carrying on his series after he dies. Because well I'm not sure if it's a good idea but if Douglas Adams himself approved it then who would I be to argue. Then again he did approve the screenplay of the Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy film before he died so actually I think I might be one to argue even if he did approve this Eoin Coifer. And I'd take back a copy of the film and see what he thinks of it. Then I'd warn him that sometimes people's coronary arteries narrow and they don't even notice and perhaps this is something he might like to look into. Then I'd be gone, like a thief in the night.

Who was your first crush? What were they like?

My first crush had ginger hair and was in a popular girl group of the time. She is also evidence that I used to have no taste in women whatsoever.

Who was your favorite teacher in school? Why were they your favorite?

I can remember lots of teachers that I didn't like but very few that I did. I suppose it's like that whole how you remember things that are bad more than you remember things that are good like I was talking about before. Then again it could just be that there weren't as many good teachers.

What is your favorite smell? What does it remind you of?

My favourite smell is one that I haven't smelt for a while but it's a particular brand of roast potatoes. I would imagine it reminds me of that brand of roast potatoes, which tasted nice.

What is one crazy thing you would like to learn to do?

This question is fundamentally flawed. Crazy things don't require a high level of competency because being crazy is not generally considered an intellectual practice. If the question were "what is one unusual thing you would like to learn to do" I might say learn Japanese. Except then I would realise that knowing Japanese isn't that unusual. Especially if you live in Japan where everyone knows it. In that case I'll say I'd like to learn Hawaiian because hardly anyone knows that. Even Hawaiians.

What is your favorite thing about yourself? Least favorite thing?

My brilliant sense of humour and dashing good looks are my favourite things about myself. My least favourite is my incredibly overinflated ego.

If you won two free round-trip plane tickets anywhere in the world, where would you go and who would you bring?

I'd obviously go all around the world. I'm not going to get two tickets as good as that and then only use it to go to one place. That is not the actions of a sane person. I'd bring Ross Noble with me. That is if he was willing to go. And who wouldn't be? Bob Holness? Who cares what he'd do? Not me. He'd be all like. "What F is the next country which we are visiting, which principally known for men with strings of garlic around their necks dressed in berets with black and white stripey shirts, bicycles and a baguette coming out of a paper bag?" Then I'd be all like "Who cares Holness? I hate you and want to go home." Then a man would walk up and accuse me of being a racist for what I just typed, then I'd say it wasn't me who said it but in fact Bob Holness, then he'd be locked up in a Bolivian jail cell (because we'd be in Bolivia at the time). So all in all that sounds like a good plan actually. I'm rather looking forward to my round the world trip with Bob Holness.

What's the best advice you've given or gotten for taking good photos?

Aim the camera towards the thing you want to photograph, like for example the Eiffel Tower, the Ghost of Elvis, Frankenstein or some yoghurt, then press the button that takes the photograph.

What's been your biggest influence in making you a better writer?

Not these questions that's for sure. I'm not even 100% certain why I'm doing them now. And why I'm doing so many of them. I think I may have been possessed by the angry spirit of some ancient evil. Or at least some ancient spirit of getting things done who has seen me not get things done for so long that it's finally snapped. Or something.

What's been your biggest influence in making you a better writer?

This one sounds familiar. I think I've been through this before. In fact I have just mere seconds ago. Okay I was just gibbering out any old rubbish back then and it's largely incomprehensible what I just wrote but I did write something and that's the objective as far as I'm concerned. Okay what's making me a better writer. Pills. I'm on special better writer pills. Okay? Can we have a new question next. Not just the same thing again?

What was the first band you became a fan of?

I used to like the Spice Girls and as we all know thanks to My Name Is Cube that's nothing to be ashamed of unless you happened to have a crush on one of them but in that case you just pretend it never happened. Anyway best get on with these questions eh? They aren't going to answer themselves.

Where do you get inspiration for your arts and crafts?

What a dreadful question. People don't seem to understand how bad a question "where do you get your ideas from?" is. There isn't a tangible physical location that you can say they come from. If you start saying that they come from your surroundings and observing the people around you you sound like a prick. If you say that they come out of your brain you sound like a moron. There's no answer to questions like that. It's like asking "What do you remember about your life before you were born?" In a sensible society anyone asking this daft question would be covered in whipped cream and then chased out of town by hungry ocelots.

Who was your favorite teacher in school? Why were they your favorite?

You wouldn't have thought that these questions became this repetitive this quickly would you? I mean I'm sure even I can come up with more than 29 questions. In fact I will do so now. 1) What is your name and what does it mean? 2) what is your favourite colour? 3) What would you do if you saw a cow with no legs. Okay thinking up questions is harder than it sounds. I don't know what I'd do if I saw a cow with no legs. I'd probably build it some kind of harness with wheels on it. It'd be the fastest and most popular cow for miles around once I was done with it.

What is your favorite smell? What does it remind you of?

The smell of failure. Hey I think I can smell it coming off this question!

What is one crazy thing you would like to learn to do?

*sigh* I think it's time to skip through a few questions now. In the hope that we might eventually come across one worth all this time and effort. I'll spare you all the repeat questions from now on. It's the least I can do if you've been prepared to endure this far into this epic trawl.

What's the most extreme sport that you've tried?

That depends. Is reading in the bath an extreme sport? No? Even if it's a library book that I'm reading and if I drop it by accident into the bath and it gets all wet and destroyed then I'll probably owe them some money or something? No it's still not an extreme sport? God this country is rubbish.

Who's your current favorite celebrity? Which celebrity do you never want to see again?

Favourite is always such a hard thing to quantify. I mean if we're talking exclusively about comedians, which we aren't but bear with me, then there's Paul Merton, David Mitchell, Ross Noble, Russell Brand, Bill Bailey, Alan Davies, Dylan Moran... the list goes on. And that's just comedians. Imagine if I was to broaden that list. I simply refuse to pick favourites. Like one of those parents who denies that they have one but secretly does and everyone knows it. Except I don't secretly have a favourite like they do.

Who's your current favorite celebrity? Which celebrity do you never want to see again?

Okay same question but this time I'll focus on least favourites. This is difficult as well because as well all know I gave up hate for lent and so I no longer hate Amy Winehouse or Lily Allen or Kate Nash and so on. It means I'm a whole lot more tranquil but doesn't help when I have to pick least favourites. Actually I never gave up my hatred of Joss Stone. So I pick her.

If you had the resources to start your own business, what would it be?

A Swiss Army Glove. It'd be like a Swiss Army Knife but in the form of a glove. It would have lots of hidden compartments with various tools for doing things and with it being in the form of a glove it would obviously be more useful. It wouldn't be red though because that would be a bad move stylistically. Me and my cousins were talking about this the other week and we came to the conclusion we should go on Dragon's Den. They'd love it. I'm sure they'd give me £12 for 99% of my business or something and off I'd go onto the street to buy 1200 penny sweets.

How would you describe your personal style?

Stylish...

...

...

No but seriously what exactly do you expect me to respond with? That question is a bit vague. My fashion style you mean? In that case my fashion style is a black t-shirt advertising My Chemical Romance and a pair of dark green pants. That doesn't really tell you much about me or my style really though does it? It's just clothing. It's like wrapping really. I'm not interested in what's on the outside. Then again that sounds like I'm interested purely in nudity. I was simply aiming at saying that people's personalities and minds and souls and all that rubbish is what is important.

Ever created your own version of a sport? Tell us how you play it.

I haven't actually invented my own extreme sport but I suppose I could if you wanted. And So I will. It's called An Accident Waiting To Happen. A team is made up of six people and two teams are needed for a match. You also need to be on a mountain.

Equipment:
Two epees, four backpacks full of various types of sports balls (no golfballs), two paintball guns, two large peices of wood that can be used as shields and twelve snowboards.

Team Members:
Each team has a icefencer, two ballers, a paintguy and two blockers. The icefencers objective is to fence the other icefencer. The ballers each have a backpack full of balls and their objective is to knock the other team's players down. The paintguy has a paintgun and their objective is to land a clean shot on each member of the other team (excluding blockers). The blockers purpose is simple. To block the other members of their team from the opposing paintguy. Oh and while this is happening they are on snowboards boarding down a mountain.

Rules and Conditions of Victory:
The game ends when the paintguy lands a clean shot on each member of the opposing team excluding blockers. When this happens the team that has the most points wins. Points are gained from the icefencers.

So there you go. An Accident Waiting To Happen. It's the next big thing. Fun for all the family. Just don't sue me if you break your arms, or your legs, or your neck, or your heart... or anything really.

Have you taken a great photograph of a sport or game?

This is question number 42! Yay! Anyway no I have never taken a photograph of a sport or a game. This is probably because a) I don't like sports or games (except board games like hungry hungry hippos or mousetrap or monopoly or something, but I get the feeling they don't count) and b) I don't like photography. You know I'm rather surprised I could have sworn that the Writer's Block insane photography questions started later than this but maybe I was only catching the tail end of something massive. Perhaps the strange photography questions I witnessed were like the tip of the iceberg. All I can say is "may the lord have mercy on our souls"

Which extreme sport do you love watching but think it's too dangerous to try?

None. This isn't because I'm some big macho bloke with a handlebar moustache who believes he's tough enough to handle anything but simply because there aren't any sports that I enjoy watching. Even if I liked sports I'd want to play them rather than watch. Why watch when you can do? It's a good philosophy to live by as long as you remember to ignore that philosophy when it comes to deciding whether or not you want to watch an action movie. You can get into a lot of trouble doing that kind of thing in real life.

Tell us about the sport idols that have made an impact in your life.

I don't think I'm alone in noticing that these questions appear to be suffering from a sports theme. An insane theme I can relate to even less than photography. Believe it or not I have no sport idols. If I happen to find one out in the garden then I'll be sure to send you a message via the old telegrammophone.

What were your best memories of this summer?

Drat! There goes the sports theme before I can even make a joke about David Beckham trying to dig a hole to the magic kingdom of mushrooms and fairies. So memories of Summer eh? Well there was this great episode where Seth went up onto the roof to fix the aerial and he fell off and he's hanging upside down in the rain in a spiderman mask, then Summer comes along and they do the whole spiderman kiss thing. It was the best.

What are your top three destinations and why go there?

My top three destinations at the moment appear to be the shopping centre I go to to buy shopping, the blood clinic I go to to have blood taken and the erm... where else do I go? Is sleep a viable destination? After all you say that you go to sleep. Grammatically speaking it makes perfect sense. Although I assume the question isn't talking about locations that are as mundane and unnotable as those three are (although I wouldn't personally call sleep mundane and unnotable. You should see some of things that happen there sometimes). I'm guessing the question's preferred answer would be something like: Egypt, Japan and Hawaii. Egypt because I've always wanted to go there since always. Japan because it gets everything first and maybe I'd be able to pick up a new game or something before it comes out over here. Of course it would help to be able to read japanese at that point. If only I'd stuck to my guns and learnt japanese instead of this useless Hawaiian. And finally I'd go to Hawaii because it looks nice and you could meet the cast of Lost or something.

What is the best photo you've taken while on vacation?

Unusually for a photography question I actually have an answer for this one. It's a really awesome photograph of me that was taken on the balcony of our hotel in Lanzarote. Actually now I think about it I probably didn't take that photograph since I was the subject of it. Hmm. Intriguing. In that case I don't really know and I'm back to my usual form when it comes to photography related questions.

What's the most adventurous vacation that you've had?

Once I got ill on a daytrip to Lanzarote from Fuertaventura. I threw up and we went on an adventure going through various local pharmacies attempting to find one that... erm... actually I don't remember what we were trying to find. I was kind of out of it at the time.
Oh and another time we were in this town in Tunisia and it was an incredibly hot day and I became convinced that the owner of a local cafe was trying to poison us when he directed us to a sandwich shop that was across the street from his cafe. I know it's ridiculous now but at the time I left my sandwich relatively untouched just in case he was trying to murder us all.

Tell us about your funniest memory while on vacation.

The funniest story I usually tell is that one about the man who tried to poison us with sandwiches and no stories spring to mind as the second funniest holiday story so if you could just imagine I didn't just tell that story then go read it again and laugh along as I think I'm about to be poisoned by a friendly townsperson.

Which celebrities have the best style?

Russell Brand and Noel Fielding. And that's not an opinion, it's fact. Indisputable fact. As sure as the Earth is a roundish planet that orbits the sun Russell Brand and Noel Fielding have the best style. They could wear anything they wanted and it would still be the epitome of fashion.

Have you ever taken a photo of a celebrity?

Actually yes I have. I've taken photographs of me and Russell Brand, Terry Pratchett, Robert Rankin, Jasper Fforde, Trevor Lock (a former co-presenter of Russell Brand's), Matthew Morgan (a current co-presenter of Russell Brand's and Ross Noble. Several times with Ross Noble actually. Bravo for this question. I give it nine thumbs up!

Which shows are you most excited about for the fall season?

Another good question. I think I like this type of question because it's a simple matter of listing all the people I've had photographs with/programs I'm looking forward to. In this case here's the list: House, Supernatural, Heroes, Brothers and Sisters, Dexter, Chuck, Pushing Daisies, Dirty Sexy Money and Fringe. Speaking of which I really need to catch up with Fringe. This is going to be the best autumn ever!

If you could create your own movie, what would it be about?

It would be about a monastery of nuns that have been driven insane by a deadly virus and have started killing all those that aren't Christians and using their body parts to create an unholy angel which they intend to bring to life as their new god. It would star Neil Flynn, Ross Noble and Lucy Liu as a trio of satanist bikers who ride into town and get tangled up in the web of violence murder and hellgods and end up fighting a war against the mutant nuns with the help of a local cowboyesque mercenary played by Adam Baldwin. Also Lucy Liu is a lesbian.

How did you earn extra money as a child (i.e. lemonade stands, household chores, etc)?

I didn't but I suppose I should kind of pretend that I did for the purposes of this question. So okay right, I was saying that I didn't do anything to earn extra money but that was a mischevious prank I was playing on you. In truth although I didn't have a lemonade stand I did have a mutrescent fulsh stand where people would come and purchase massive gourds and goblets full of the wonderful tincture that is mutrescent fulsh. Apparently, I didn't know this at the time but I was told afterwards, that there has never been so many dead bodies in one garden ever. I think I'm in the Guiness Book of World Records. Speaking of which why is World Records sponsored by Guiness? Guiness is a beer. That's nothing to do with World Records unless you're undertaking a world record for how fast you can drink yourself to death and even so I don't think that's the kind of publicity that Guiness wants. They say that all publicity is good publicity but then you attack people and brand them with the word guiness and suddenly the CEO doesn't want anything to do with you and calls the police and everything. What a bunch of hipocrites.

If you could start your own business, what would it be?

Okay I think I've already covered this one. Swiss army glove remember. In fact there's probably a device somewhere on the swiss army glove for stopping prompts from repeating themselves. Actually there probably isn't because that's rather specific but think of all the stuff you can get into a swiss army knife and then think of all the extra room there is on a glove. It'd probably have a device for everything.

Tell us about something that started out for fun but turned into a real job.

Writing this entry. I've been at it all night now. Who would have thought there was so many questions?

What are your favorite sites for selling homemade merchandise and why?

Oh I get it. It's sites that I can sell homemade stuff on, not sites I can buy homemade stuff from. That makes more sense because I wouldn't want to buy homemade stuff. Which is something of a shame because it means that this question has to end here. I mean come on from a business standpoint I want a target market that I would consider myself to be among. If I target a market which I do not consider myself part of how can I make accurate decisions about that market? I can't, thats how.

What advice would you give to people who are starting their own business?

Well for a start if someone asks you a question you don't really understand make some oblique reference to not understanding your target market and slowly back out of the room. Then run from the building, get in a car, drive to the airport, get on a plane, fly to Venice, get on a gondola and travel to the most secluded building in town, go inside and board up the door behind you. So long as you aren't a cartoon you should be able to carry on your life without having to answer the question.

Who are your style icons and what do you love about them?

It's still Noel Fielding and Russell Brand. Believe it or not I haven't completely changed my style preferences in the last hour or so. Shocking I know but it's hardly surprising. As to what I like about them I like them because they are stylish.

Which movies have the best costumes and scene sets?

I don't know. Why are you asking me? What am I? Some kind of fashionista like Gok Wan or something? Then again how can you really call Gok Wan a fashionista. His talents begin at wearing glasses and end at undressing people. Not a lot of scope for fashion knowledge.

What sets your style apart from everyone else's?

I wish the Writer's Block would be all obsessed over photography again. At least photography is tangible. You take a photograph, print it out or get it developed and there you have it. One tangible photograph. You can hold it in your hand. You can wave it in the air, kiss it goodnight, feed it to your dog whatever you want. But style? What am I supposed to do with style? It's intangible. Like a ghost. A particularly stylish ghost but a ghost nonetheless.

Show us the best costume that you've created. What was the most difficult piece on it?

Do costumes created on The Middleman Costume Generator count? If so then take a look at this.



Okay so starting at the far left we have Tech. He's the brains of the group. His stylish shirt and tie combination convey this fact while his weird red trainers and supercreasy jeans convey the message that this is a man whose wardrobe is very weird. Though you wouldn't think it to look at him Tech is haunted by visions of his brother (who died in mysterious circumstances).
Next is Inferno who sports a brown jacket and short pink skirt. This is probably a really cool stylistic decision that I made, or there were no skirts of different colours available. Inferno is a security expert. She used to work as a spy and can break in or out of anywhere. Ever since she left her mysterious employers she's been on the run from deadly robotic assassins. She was eventually forced to go underground and secretly join the team. She's vowed revenge.
Next up is Abs who has no shirt because I couldn't find a shirt that would suit him. However it turns out that he looks even better without one. Isn't serendipity brilliant? Abs is self-involved and spends most of his time playing his xbox 720 (thanks to special government funding he's got the next next generation of games consoles) and making sarcastic quips. He likes eggs. For eating.
Next up is The Noodle. She's sporting a red fullbody catsuit which is the top of the line for stylish assassins on the go. She is quiet, speaks with a heavy russian accent and is mostly monosyllabic. She is businesslike and is hunting for her lost sister.
Finally on the far right is Wrecking Ball. Wrecking Ball is the brawn of the operation. Though he may not look it he's the strongest of the team. He can punch his way through solid walls and swing his handbag with a deadly power that can shatter a man's skull.

Tell us about your favorite DIY clothing stores.

DIY clothing stores? What has the world come to? What's next? DIY Pizza Parlors? Are they still called Pizza Parlors? It sounds a bit old fashioned now that I think about it. Something you might say if you lived in the olden days and were trying to ask some black and white woman out on a black and white date.

Tell us about your own prequel or sequel to a favorite movie.

Most films are fine as they are. They don't really need a sequel or prequel. Sequels are all well and good. Usually they are watchable (although I watched all of The Godfather Part 2 and after it finished I couldn't have told you a single thing about what happened in it) but prequels. Show me a good example of a prequel and I'll show you that you are a liar. It can't be done. It's one of the two basic rules of films.

  1. Prequels are always bad and,

  2. Films named after a place are always bad.


The second rule is always true as well. Sin City is an exception because it's not the name of the city, the city is called Basin City and nicknamed Sin City. All other place named films are dreadful. It's an indication that nothing of any note happens in the film so they have to name it after the place where all the nothing happens.

Boo! How did you celebrate Halloween?

I haven't celebrated it yet as it hasn't happened yet but I'm guessing that when it does roll around I'll end up staying inside with the lights off and the door locked. It's not a very enthuiastic plan and it doesn't really get into the mood of things but it hasn't lost me any money yet and long may it stay that way.

Whether it's in an election or just in a fun poll, what's getting your vote this week?

I don't think there's any polls going around that really want or need my vote. I did participate in one before to express my opinion that wearing underwear outside the pants is one of the biggest fashion faux pases a superhero can perpetrate. I know Superman gets away with it but what you probably don't know is that someone called him out on it once and Superman threw that man into the path of an oncoming plane. After that nobody dared mention it to him. The whole thing between him and Lex Luthor is actually the end result of a pants-underpants argument.

Boo! How did you celebrate Halloween?

Okay you do realise that one question isn't long enough to make Halloween happen. Halloween hasn't came and gone while I thought about polls. Try asking this question when I actually have an answer to answer it with.

Tell us your current favorite: book, movie, CD, video game.

I'm not really reading a book at the moment. So I don't really have any favourites. Which actually now I think about it is an absurd position to have. Why should I stop having a favourite book because I'm not currently reading any? With that kind of wooly minded thinking I'd be claiming that every book was my favourite while I was reading it. So I do have a favourite book, I just can't remember what it is at the moment, anyone surprised? Hot Fuzz is my favourite film (it got 12 out of 10, which is a good score for anything). My favourite CD is the Buffy Once More With Feeling CD because it's awesome and my current favourite video game is Grand Theft Auto IV. By the way these current favourites aren't the same as all-time favourites. Because in all time favourites Anachronox still has the number one position. Oh what I wouldn't give to see them make a sequel of Anachronox.

What are 10 things you are thankful for?

Ten things? That's a lot of things I have to be thankful for. Also why should I be thankful anyway. These things exist, it's not like I can go and thank Portia De Rossi or Ellen Degeneres for putting them there because quite frankly they didn't. Things like oxygen and chickens and cheese are just facts of nature and being thankful for them would be an awfully snivelly way to go around living your life.

Tell us about your journal's style and why you selected or created it.

My journal is mainly comprised of browns and yellows in varying shades. I chose it because although I wanted a green journal most green journals I could find were eyeblisteringly bright. This seemed a sort of happy medium, plus I changed the colour of my internet browser (opera) to match it. Take that firefox! I bet you can't do that can you? You know people who compare all the different internet browsers and have their favourites and pit them against one another in battles to the death or whatever, well I think that's a bit annoying to be honest. Here's a metaphor. Imagine the internet browser is a window (a proper physical window) and the internet is the view you can see from that window. No matter what window you had you'd be able to see the same view so it's all a bit pointless isn't it? Good. Now I've solved that particular problem I'm heading off to try and negotiate world peace.

Tell us about your favorite outfit. How do you feel when you wear it?

Come back photography questions! All is forgiven! In fact I'd gladly go back to all random event related questions that have made September a massive effort in the Writer's Block department. It's been like 'this is national owl day' 'this is national belgium day' 'this is the anniversary of the death of winston churchill' 'this is the anniversary of the first word of hitler'. It's too much. Too much I tell you!

Show us the best Halloween costume you saw this year.

Once again it hasn't been Halloween yet and even if it had what do you expect me to do. Build a replica of my favourite costume out of bits of computerised information. Give me a break what do you think I am? A robotic version of Isambard Kingdom Brunel? If there was a robotic Isambard Kingdom Brunel I'd call him the Isambot. Then together we'd build a bridge so long it would destroy time and space itself (don't ask me how this would happen, Isambot is the expert on bridges and destruction of time and space itself) and then we'd sort of float about for a bit in the remnants of the universe until we got bored. Then I'd sell him for scrap.

What comedian makes you pee your pants laughing?

No comedian does this because despite comedy I still retain full control of my bladder. Which is useful because there is very little that can spoil comedy more than urinating unintentionally. Ross Noble is the funniest comedian though. I'm going to go and see him next year you know.

What's the worst pickup line you've ever heard?

Pickup lines are all pretty lame. It's part of their very nature. If it wasn't lame it wouldn't be a pickup line. It's strange how that doesn't apply to jokes though. If it isn't funny it's still a joke, just a bad joke. Next time someone tries to tell me a bad joke I'm going to inform them that it isn't actually a joke because jokes by definition need to be funny. It's like some kind of intriguing social experiment. I like social experiments. But you know whats even better? Antisocial experiments. Like zombies and werewolves and ratmen.

What's on your Top 5 video games list?

In ascending order (from good to goodest):
5. Folklore (PS3): I love Folklore. I love the places, the folks (the creatures), the characters, the storyline. It's just a really brilliant engaging game. Love love love.
4. Bioshock (XBOX 360): Bioshock is brilliant. I had no idea of the concept before I bought the game and then as I started playing it I was just shocked by the amazing place that is Rapture. It's a great story with clever twists and a moral system and it's creepy as hell. It's great.
3. Morrowind (PC): Morrowind is fantastic. It's better than Oblivion I reckon. Oblivion does have more up to date graphics but the places you go in Oblivion feel less varied and much of a muchness. In Morrowind almost everywhere you go feels like it has some importance attached to it. Something to do or to see. Where as Oblivion doesn't have that impression. However the expansion: The Shivering Isles more than makes up for this. The Shivering Isles is a more engaging and interesting place than even Morrowind was and it's got shiny nice graphics. However it's not going on my list because it's an expansion, plus I've had more experience with Morrowind. I've got fond memories of the mudcrab merchant and all those cliff racers, plus having to leave half my loot lying all over the place. It's great.
2. Psychonauts (PS2): Psychonauts is an inspired game. I love anything that takes place in people's minds. Like dream episodes in programs or whatever. This is a game which takes place almost entirely in people's minds. It has really good characters. It's just a shame it didn't do so good when it was released. Otherwise we could be playing Psychonauts 2: Rescue Truman by now. Also if it did do better they would come up with a better name for the sequel than Psychonauts 2: Rescue Truman.
1. Anachronox (PC): I love Anachronox. The characters, the places, the whole thing. Okay it's not as polished as most other games on this list and it's a bit buggy but I love it. I just wish they would finally get around to sequelling it up. Cliffhangers need resolution. Seriously.

What song makes you rock the karaoke mic?

I don't really do karaoke. But if I did I imagine it would either be 'Livin on a Prayer' by Bon Jovi or 'Sweet Child o' Mine' by Guns n' Roses. Because that's the stereotype that I am.

If reincarnation were inevitable, what would you come back as in your next life?

Clarification: What would I like to come back as or what would I realistically come back as if we believe in the idea that your karma determines your next incarnation? I'd like to come back as a lesbian (surprise surprise) but realistically I'd probably end up coming back as myself.

What's your method for calculating a tip?

My method for calculating a tip is easy. Don't calculate a tip. People don't deserve tips just because they've done something. Call me Mr Pink if you have to but I believe a tip is something that must be earned. Doing something that is in your job description to a standard that is expected is not tipworthy. Okay fine fine some people aren't paid enough but that's hardly my concern is it? It's the problem of the person in charge of where people aren't being paid enough. Plus think of all the little starving kiddies in Africa. Do you really think that you deserve a tip when they go through all that and don't even ask for a tip? No I thought not.

What character in a book can you connect with or relate to the most?

In a book? Not really anyone because people don't tend to write books about people like me. If I was reading a book about a person like me I'd not only stop reading I'd cover it in salt, throw it in the fire, throw the fire in a swimming pool, encase the pool in concrete, demolish the house and then dump the rubble into a swamp. An overreaction, probably, but I still wouldn't want to read about someone like me who spends most of their day playing computer games and watching cancelled TV programs off of the internet. It just isn't exciting enough. Unless of course one of the computer games or cancelled TV programs is infected with a demonic virus that threatens to destroy mankind and in order to stop it I have to play the game right to the end and beat the virus in a dramatic showdown or something. So there you go. There's the character in a book I most relate to. Me, in my own book about me saving the world by living my normal everyday life. Aren't I great?

What's the most drastic change you've ever made to your appearance?

When I went from long ponytail hair to short normal hair. It was a good idea I think. I don't hurt myself through accidentally lying on my hair so much any more My one regret is that I never introduced myself to someone while wearing a hat which I had cleverly tucked all my excess hair into and then removed the hat and caused a massive and shocking cascade of hair, which confounded and baffled the person I'd just met. It's funny how you never think of great ideas like that until you've cut your own hair off. My one annoyance at this decision is that every person who saw the change in my hair complimented it but it was all weak compliments or backhanded compliments. One or the other. Instead of saying "Wow, your hair looks nice" or some approximation thereof they insisted on saying "Wow, your hair looks better". Then I attacked them with an imaginary rope.

What's your favorite Thanksgiving dish?

Not cranberries that's for sure. I can't eat cranberries because of my blood. I don't know exactly what the problem with them is supposed to be but apparently it's not good for me. I think they might make me explode or something.

When do you start your holiday shopping?

Don't be daft, we can't afford to buy a holiday. What would we do with it? Where would we put it? It wouldn't fit in my bedroom that's for sure! But if you mean Christmas shopping then I imagine I probably start buying that around the start of December. Close enough to still be eatable on Christmas but far enough away that I don't have to fight my way through the Apocalyptic crowds. Unfortunately last year we forgot this golden rule and we went to the shops for a couple of bits on Christmas Eve. It was quite frankly astonishing and not an experience I am looking to repeat this year.

Have you ever Googled your own name? How do you feel about the results?

I have googled my own name. And because I'm ridiculously vain and have lots of time on my hands I've googled my real name, my chosen name and my most common usernames. I think the results were largely complimentary except in one case where my livejournal was listed as suspicious on a conspiracy theory place. Which I suppose is good really. For far too long I've been cooking up elaborate conspiracy theories to explain ordinary events and things it's about time that people starting weaving elaborate tales about me.

What's your favorite music for a Sunday morning?

It's strange that I get this question when it's a Sunday morning and I'm listening to Texas - Say What You Want. And I guess all things considered I'd be a bit of a hipocrite if I didn't give this song as the answer. However if this was elaborated to all of Sunday then I might say that my favourite music for a Sunday would be the musical episode of Buffy; Once More With Feeling as this week I plan to begin what I hope will be a long running tradition of watching this episode of Buffy once a week every week. For like my weekly fix of Joss Whedon's wonderful musical masterpeice. I elaborated to Joss Whedon musicals there because it allows me also watch Doctor Horrible's Singalong Blog if I want. I wonder if Firefly hadn't been cancelled whether there would eventually have been a musical episode of that. Yes it is harder to have a musical episode that makes any kind of sense without magic to be the catalyst for the sudden musicalness. But I'm thinking how about a virus that makes people burst into song. Serenity lands on a planet which is almost totally infected with this musical virus. They head out perplexed and were about to leave and let the whole planet get on with it when Jayne suddenly starts singing about how they should just get out of there. They decide that he'd be unbearable if he kept singing all the time and so they go into one of the cities and try and find an antidote or something. Singing about it as they do. The alliance finds out that they are there and sends down troops to try and capture them. The alliance troops end up singing as well. There's a gunfight while singing and then they get the antidote, head back to Serenity and then fly off into the night. It could even end on a kiss between Mal and Inara if you wanted the full musical experience.

What's your sign? What do you think of astrology and horoscopes?

I'm a Leo, although only just. I'm what is referred to as on the cusp of Leo and Cancer and so I like to think of myself a Lancer. Like out of Final Fantasy. Although I can't jump nearly as high as they can in Final Fantasy. I think there must be like some platform just above the battlefield and thats where they hang out until they're ready to come back into battle. Anyway astrology is rubbish. A while ago I demonstrated this point by coming up with an elaborate new version of astrology called chesstrology. It was a roaring success. So much of a success that I never mentioned it again. Until now that is.

If you came with a warning label, what would it say?

Warning: May Contain Nuts. I don't eat nuts but judging from the fact that I see that warning on practically every food product that I look at I get the feeling that everything has the potential to contain nuts and all that is needest is the slightest suggestion that it should contain nuts and it will. It's like sand. I think as humans we grow sand under our skin and it's just waiting for us to even slightly touch sand and it starts to pour out from between our toes.

What has been your worst experience on public transit?

I'm kind of tempted to say about this one time where the bus driver appeared to not in fact be a properly trained bus driver but someone who had been eating a tangerine and had thought "Hmm, you know what I could do with now? I could do with driving a bus like a maniac." However this isn't what I would describe as the worst experience with public transport as it meant I got to my destination much faster than I would have done otherwise. My worst experience would have to be some kind of non-descript experience where I was waiting for the bus for a long time. They're always the best.

Finish the sentence: "What in the world was I thinking when I...?"

started trawling through the backcatalogue of Writer's Block prompts?

What makes you unique?

My DNA and fingerprints.

On this day in 1955, Rosa Parks refused to give up her bus seat to a white man. What have you done that is brave?

I'm brave because I sometimes walk outside without any socks on. Okay so that's not being brave but in comparison to the example given exactly what would be brave? You might as well say "On this day in the olden days Sir George killed a dragon. What have you done that is brave?" Anything I might have done pales in comparison to anything people did in the olden days. You know once George Washington was chased all over America by a sphinx and eventually he managed to kill it and break free from it's evil curse by cornering it in an orchard and then felling a whole bunch of cherry trees on it. And in comparison to that what can we really do to prove how brave we are? Nothing I tells ya! Nothing!

What are you passionate about?

I'm passionate about passion fruit. In fact I'm so passionate about passion fruit that I hate them with the fiery hatred of a thousand suns. Their name is a lie. Although they are probably a fruit they are about as passionate as sticking a block of ice down your pants. So I have used the power of botany to create the ultimate passion fruit. The lust fruit. One sip of it's delightfully passionate juice will send shivers of passion and lust up and down your spine and the next thing you know you'll wake up in Vegas married to some woman with rind in her hair. Or something. What was the question again?

How do you choose which books to read?

I judge books in the one way that I shouldn't. I look at their cover and decide if it's worth reading from that. I think personally judging books by their cover is given a bad reputation. There's the name of the author, the name of the book, an illustration, the publisher, a blurb. There's rather a lot of information on the cover and if we weren't to judge books by their cover however would we get anything done. Judge them by their ISBN number? If it's odd it's unreadable if it's even it's better than Shakespeare? By the way even if you were to do this quite frankly ludicrous judgement system think about this: where are you going to find the ISBN number? That's right. There on the cover. No matter what you do you'll never be able to judge a book by anything other than the cover and that is one of the inescapable facts of life.

What do you believe in?

I believe in nothing, but suspect everything.

What makes you unique?

Yeah, kind of had this question before and my answer wasn't exactly what I'd call entertaining back then. As Fight Club says, we are not unique snowflakes. I don't necessarily agree that we are the all-singing all-dancing crap of the universe, although that may be because I can't sing or dance. Although what may make me unique is answering 100 Writer's Block questions in one post. Try as you may I don't think you'll find someone else that has gone to the effort of doing that. The next one will be number 100 by the way.

What makes you unique?

Okay I'm sorry have you not got my point yet. I'm not unique. Nobody is. But hell, you know what. I might be a bit unique because I'm more bloody unique than this question. Stupid question.

On this day in 1955, Rosa Parks refused to give up her bus seat to a white man. What have you done that is brave?

And Nikola Tesla and Arthur Conan Doyle had to win a match of croquet against a team of mutant mummies. The mummies threatened that if they won they would sink England down to the bottom of the ocean as they had done with Atlantis the previous summer, but if Tesla and Conan Doyle won then they would leave this country and never return (unless they had tickets to a Coldplay concert, in which case they are allowed back but just to go to the concert and then straight back). Needless to say Tesla and Conan Doyle won. The mutant mummies tried to murder them and they got chased up and down the corridors of a haunted house like a scene from Scooby Doo but in the end they strangled all the mutant mummies with croquet hoops and then had a cup of tea in the conservatory. Truly how can our meagre feats of braveness measure up?

On this day in 1955, Rosa Parks refused to give up her bus seat to a white man. What have you done that is brave?

Okay listen I'm probably not brave. I don't go hand-gliding or bungee jumping or running naked through a cave of grizzly bears that have waffle irons strapped to their legs. But the point I was trying to make with over the top stories of the olden days is that back in the olden days when you were brave you were properly brave. Nowadays anything that would come even close to braveness is in comparison like rolling on the floor in a room made from yarn.

What are you passionate about?

I'm passionate about not being asked the same question repeatedly.

What are you passionate about?

Writer's Block is strangely insistent today. It's like it's been possessed by the spirit of Mrs Doyle and it's just stood there asking me the same question again and again until I buckle and give in out of sheer desperation. Bad Writer's Block! No!

Share a letter you've written. Or, write a letter to someone you miss.

Here's a letter to someone I miss. Enjoy!

Dear Veronica.
I know it's not been that long since I saw you, just a couple of days in fact but I'm really missing you and wish that you'd find a way to come back soon. I'd love to find out precisely how the election went and what happened with your internship at the FBI. Have you been investigating any big mysteries lately? I've been thinking about all the good times we used to have together. Okay it wasn't all good times but there was excitement and adventure and really wild things. It was a blast.

Lots of Love,
Sebastian.

P.S. How's Mac? Is she still with that Max? She's too good for him you know.

Share a letter you've written. Or, write a letter to someone you miss.

Again? *sigh* fine.

Dear Jak.
Wow it's been a long time. Last time I saw you was after that racing tournament, though we didn't see so much of each other back then because well it's a racing tournament, it's not the same. I'd love to hear from you again but it doesn't look likely. You know how we usually get together with ND? Well he's been spending his time with someone new. This archaelogist called Drake and although we have had a laugh it's not the same. A while back I heard that you might be going on a trip to somewhere called The Lost Frontier but I haven't heard anything since. I hope we can meet up and have all new adventures soon.

Lots of Love,
Sebastian.

P.S. How's Ashelin? Is she still with that Torn? She's too good for him you know.

Share a letter you've written. Or, write a letter to someone you miss.

You must be having a laugh. Fine. But this is the last one.

Dear Buffy.
Hey Buff, it's not been that long since we last spoke but I was missing you. I know I'm not fully caught up yet but I'm lacking in funds to come down to Sunnydale or wherever it is that you've set up now? Scotland wasn't it? Give my regards to everyone. Did you hear about Angel going to work for Wolfram and Hart. I was shocked. I'm sure he must have gone back to Angelus to have joined up with them. I was just thinking before about back when everyone in Sunnydale starting singing and dancing. I still haven't managed to get some of those songs out of my head. I think they may have some kind of demonic quality to them. Would you mind asking Giles or something because seriously I shouldn't still be humming them to myself all the time should I? I'm a bit worried.

Lots of Love,
Sebastian.

P.S. How's Willow? Is she still with Kennedy? I've never known two people more perfectly suited to one another.

Write about your best (or worst) birthday.

I don't know about my best birthday because I only tend to remember how good the most recent one was. I should review them much like I review TV shows. Give them a score out of ten and then when these questions roll around I can open up my little book of birthday reviews and go oh yes it seems that my nineteenth birthday was the best. We went around town and bought lots of games and books at the like before eventually coming home to collapse on the sofa a birthday well spent. Of course I just managed to do that without actually giving my birthdays scores out of ten so I think I will abandon the whole idea. It just sounds ludicrous now.

Write about your best (or worst) birthday.

On the other hand the day following my eighteenth birthday would probably be what I would classify as the worst birthday. It was a day out in blackpool and it was cold. There was family hostility. There was cars being towed away. There was people not speaking to one another. There was people stealing other people's sandwiches. And if that wasn't enough I manage to catch the flu (this was proper flu that caused me to just sleep and lie in bed for two weeks of my life) from a splash of seawater hurled at me by hurricane force winds. Best birthday ever it was not.

Write about your best (or worst) birthday.

What is this? Trilogy day? It's like Lord of the Rings but instead of the Two Towers and Return of the Jedi you've just got The Fellowship of the Ring playing three times in quick succession. And that's the worst one as well. There's no Gollum or anything.

What isn't written about enough in today's world?

There's nothing that isn't written about enough in today's world. Especially not today's world if you mean this actual day today. And especially not when you consider that thanks to the efforts of the Writer's Block everything gets written about three times more often than is strictly necessary. If I had to choose something that doesn't get written about just for the sake of choosing it I'd say penny-farthing bikes what people used to ride in the olden days. I want a magazine dedicated to penny-farthings. The front cover would have a sepia picture of Ross Noble riding around on one with a top hat and a monocle and a fake moustache. A speech bubble would read "Tally ho! Discover all the latest news about the shiniest new bikes and adult actress Linda Lovelace" then underneath that there would be a caption "Buy now to recieve a free gift of a yoghurt pot full of fleas. One yoghurt pot full of fleas per customer. This is a limited time offer. First come first serve. Only available while stocks last.

Describe one moment from your youth that is impenetrably seared into your memory.

Isn't it weird that moments which have been impenetrably seared into your memory don't sound like the type of memory that you'd want to have? Actually I think I was talking about this before. Actually you know what I think I was talking about this earlier in this post. God I've been at it for so long now that my mind has started to spin around in circles and just regurgitate the same ideas. Anyway I don't think I've got anything impenetrably seared into my memories. If there is then I can't remember it which I suppose kind of detracts from the whole impenetrably seared idea. Most of my childhood memories were probably just lightly charred into my memory.

Write about a literary character who changed you in some way.

A tough question. I'm not aware of any literary characters which have had such a profound effect on me that it has caused me to change my life but I am living in the universe where I'm aware of them. Imagine there was a universe where I'd never read any of the Thursday Next books for example. Would my life still be the same as it is today. I simply don't know. Perhaps thanks to me reading that specific book I didn't read a book which would have seriously seriously changed my life. Everything we do changes the world in one way or another. It's like the butterfly effect but with literary characters. And when I say the butterfly effect I mean the theory about real butterflies. Not the film about Ashton Kutcher being able to time travel. Could you imagine what the world would be like if Ashton Kutcher could time travel. It'd be chaos. He'd be travelling back and forth through time pulling elaborate pranks on celebrities from throughout the ages. Like travelling back to the shop where penny farthing magazines are printed and changing the text on the cover to a slanderous inditement of Linda Lovelace.

What inspires you to write?

I don't know. Sometimes I can sit there for ages and not write a single word but sometimes I can be writing and writing and writing and before you know it an entire day has passed and you've answered roughly 122 writer's block questions. I think the best idea if you're having trouble writing is to just write anything. The first thing that comes out of your brain, just push it out and get things flowing. It doesn't matter if it makes sense or if it's meaningless drivel that nobody will ever take the time to read so long as you're writing something. Actually you know what I think we've had this question before now that I think about it. I'm being scammed! Swindled into writing more than is strictly necessary. The bastards! I'll teach you! I'll show you all for making me write things. I'll write so much that you'll wish I'd never writ anything at all. When this entire planet is flooded under sheets of paper filled with my furious gibberings, then you'll be sorry! You'll be sorry then alright! Mark my words: You'll be sorry!

What is your dream winter escape?

Why would I want to escape from my dream winter? Is it one of those things like in the Twilight Zone where you think you're in some kind of paradise but you've actually been captured by an evil organisation or by some kind of hallucination monster and they've put you into this paradisical state so that you can't fight back against their sinister plans? Okay so if I was trapped in my dream winter I'd escape by destroying the Christmas tree. I've seen the Doctor Who Christmas specials. I know that if there's a crisis at Christmas that doesn't centre upon a spaceship replica of a destroyed ocean liner then you should really watch out for the Christmas tree. I'll burn it down with the fire from the fireplace and as a burning christmas tree doesn't feature in my dream winter I'll be able to break free back into the real world.

What is your favorite winter activity?

Besides setting fire to the Christmas tree to make sure that I've not been trapped inside a dream winter? Well sometimes I like to build a snowman. Or I suppose I should say I used to like to build a snowman but I've not done it for ages. I should build one if it does snow though. I can give him a ridiculous name and then refer to him as though he's a real person.

Describe a winter memory using all five senses.

I was thinking before that sometimes you supposedly get people with second sight who can see the future and people's souls and their auras and their thoughts or whatever. Anyway do you ever get people who have second senses of other things. Like people who have second taste who can taste the future. That must suck. On one hand you've got a psychic ability. It should be all good shouldn't it? But your ability is very difficult to verify and even if you did verify it then it's not exactly the most useful ability in the world. Second hearing would be useful. Second touch and second smell would be less so. Imagine if there was a team of people like investigative specialists who deal in the paranormal. There's five of them and they're called The Seconds. They all have a second version of one of the sense and they work together to fight ghosts and see the future and place winning bets at casinos.

Describe a winter memory using all five senses.

Okay I guess just this once I will describe a winter memory with all five senses but just this once. Ask me again and I'll describe telling you to piss off with all five senses. This is a tricky one because although I suppose there must have been lots of memories I can recount none of them exactly feel like winter memories because winter doesn't exactly stand out from the rest of the year when you live in Manchester. I remember once when I was going to school on a snowy day and it turned out that the heater had broken down. I remember being stood out in the cold and the snow while walking to the cafeteria, although I suppose it wasn't exactly a cafeteria. They don't tend to give high school kids access to anything like cafeterias. It was probably just a dining hall or whatevrer. Anyway the lights were on in there and frost was all over the windows and one person had written in the window 'go home'. It was good advice. Oh and also it smelt like snow or something and there was the taste of the cold and there was a noise like the noise of snow falling. Or something. I don't have much of a sense memory. If you don't like it, tough.

Describe a winter memory using all five senses.

Now I come to think about it I love the sound of walking on snow. Not mushy old snow but fresh snow. It's a really crisp, fresh sound. And there we go. I'm now completely out of adjectives to describe the sound of walking on fresh snow. I would now proceed to carry out my threat of telling Writer's Block to piss off using all five senses but I'm not sure how I'd go about it or what exactly it means. So I'll just settle with telling you to clear off. Ahem, here it comes: "Clear off!" Good. I don't think we'll be seeing that question around any more.

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