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Tatu 40

The Return of the Extravaganzafest

Posted on 2008.09.12 at 09:12
Current Mood:: irritatedirritated
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The Original Content That I Think Up Myself With No Help From Anyone Not Even Bob Holness Extravaganzafest 2008 is still going on. Don't think it isn't just because there has been very little extravaganza and not even the slightest bit of fest. Here is a story created specifically for the extravaganzafest. A tale of friendship, of drugs and rainbows and the battle between good and evil and more importantly a story about Adam Baldwin.


Once upon a time there was a small utopian town called Mors Mortis. One day a small plot of land in the centre of town was purchased by a prominent personage; a considerable celebrity. This significant star was none other than Adam Baldwin. The next day Adam Baldwin flew in to the small town in a jet black jet. He came bearing with him two seeds. One of the seeds was light as a feather and a pale shade of white. It was soft, but firm and it shimmered in the light. The other seed was a bloated black beast of a seed. It was covered in sharp spines and gross green gunge oozed from it. The black seed was heavy and tough and Adam Baldwin had to carry it with both hands. That day he planted both seeds in his plot of land. He gave the task of watering the seeds to two teenage kids from the town. The task of watering the light seed was given to a teenage Noel Fielding while the task of tending to the dark seed was given to a teenage Russell Brand. Every week Noel and Russell would meet at that plot of land to water the seeds. At first they would not speak as the Brand and Fielding families were families at war. Like Romeo and Juliet but without all the annoying Shakespearean. Soon however they began to talk to one another. Noel learned that the family he had hated and demonised was not in fact a clan of malnourished and untrustworthy vampires while Russell learned some nifty yoyo tricks. They were friends for years until it was time to go to college. The Brand family wanted to send young Russell to a Transylvanian college while the Fielding family wanted to send Noel to Lapland. They went their seperate ways promising to keep in touch with one another via the use of their shiny new mobile phones that they'd been given for their birthdays.
Years passed and Noel and Russell returned from their colleges. Russell was older and wiser and sporting a fancy new drug habit that was all the rage in Transylvania. Noel was also older and wiser and he had a pet rainbow that he named Echo. They travelled back to the town on the same train comparing their new hairstyles. Once they arrived home they found it had changed. Half of the town was sunshine and daisies and ice cream while the other half was darkness and cemetaries and riots. Noel and Russell ran to the plants that had been untended for so long. Two large vines climbed from the earth each vine the visual representation of the seed it had grown from. The vines intertwined and seemed to be battling against one another as they climbed higher and higher into the sky. Noel and Russell starting climbing the vines, up through the cloud and higher. The vines seemed to stretch on forever. There was no end to it. They climbed all day and all night until they could climb no longer and they fell asleep. They woke up to the feel of sand and looked around to see that they were in a small arena surrounded by tall wooden seating. Wooden seating that was in fact packed with unenthusiastic looking onlookers. On one side monsters that are too grotesque to think of and on the other beings so light and pure as to be beyond name and in the middle was Adam Baldwin. He explained that throughout history good and evil have been fighting for a long time and that it wasn't good. Innocent people were being hurt and so it was time to decide on a winner once and for all. The seeds that they had handled for so long had made them champions for light or for dark. They would fight to the death and the world would be remade as fully evil or fully good dependant on the outcome. Noel and Russell stared one another down and began to fight. They battled blow for blow with neither side really doing any damage until dispirited they stopped and rebelled against the fight. They declared a draw, they were unwilling to fight. And so the world was remade again and Noel and Russell were made prominent comedians for their role in forging a new world while Mors Mortis was left a ghost town.

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