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Buffy - Willow and Tara

Guess What's Back. Back Again. Random Review's Back. Tell A Friend...

Posted on 2008.07.16 at 20:48
Current Mood:: amusedamused
Tags: , , , ,
Random Review is where I randomly review something from all the topics in the world. The topic is picked through clicking the random article page on wikipedia and reviewing whatever comes up regardless of whether I know anything about it. Today's review will review: List of Olympic medalists in Tug of War


Right so essentially a bunch of people went to the Olympics and played Tug of War. They should be ashamed of themselves. I sincerely hope that those medals are medals of shame because Tug of War isn't a proper sport. You never see Tug of War televised on the TV or broadcast on the radio. There aren't great massive Tug of War events taking place at sporting arenas throughout the land (actually there might be, I haven't checked. Please check with your local sporting arena for less poorly researched claims). Tug of War isn't a sport. It's a game. Although I suppose it is the Olympic Games not the Olympic Sports so I suppose it's actually the most appropriate fixture of the games. I'd love to see an Olympics where all the contestants are there to play Chess, Backgammon, Draughts or even Hungry Hungry Hippos. That would be an Olympics worth watching.
So now that we've figured out that most of the Olympic Games events are fundamentally flawed by not being actual games I suggest we have a closer look at the winners. Now the first thing I notice about the winners is that for 1900 and 1912 there was nobody in third place which suggests one of two things. a) there were only two teams which entered into the tug of war competition or 2) the third and fourth teams were so evenly matched that the tug of war never ended. They're probably still there today locked in a competition so fierce that the laws of conventional medicine no longer apply to them. God bless those poor immortal fools. Can you imagine when someone finally wins and they come out of their Tug of War trance or whatever it is that they're currently in. The world will have drastically changed. They'll have to go through the horror and pain of realising that everyone they know and love is dead and that nobody cares about them any more. Apart from me of course because I have to bloody well do a review on them and would you adam-and-eve it? The results are in. In third place with a bronze medal is the fact that nobody got a bronze medal on certain years. In second place with a silver medal are the poor immortal wretches that wander the land in search of someone to play Tug of War with. And in first place with a prestigious gold medal are the teams of Hungry Hungry Hippo enthusiasts who are even as we speak climbing into giant hippo shaped cars and making their way to the Olympics. They are the finest ones of all.

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